Oh..memories…My memories are blending my brain, how to bear, how…! I really can’t bear. I need my time to rewind, I wanna go back.

“When I was young my heart and head were light,
And I was gay and feckless as a colt
Out in the fields, with morning in the may,
Wind on the grass, wings in the orchard bloom.
O thrilling sweet, my joy, when life was free
And all the paths led on from hawthorn-time
Across the carolling meadows into June.

But now my heart is heavy-laden. I sit
Burning my dreams away beside the fire:
For death has made me wise and bitter and strong;
And I am rich in all that I have lost.
O starshine on the fields of long-ago,
Bring me the darkness and the nightingale;
Dim wealds of vanished summer, peace of home,
And silence; and the faces of my friends…..”

Why this earth is so relative? Why there aren’t a common scale to measure everything? Why…? I can’t bear this diversity any longer. How poor. How….! How poor.
তুমি গুছিয়ে ঠিক কথা বলতে পারো না, You mother f***.

Think about the OZ’s, how they are different from me, from us. What about the Arab’s. They also different from me and others. Same the Chineez, the Africans. And each of us demanding what we are doing is right. What we are doing is the balance to measures every other things…! How..!!
We don’t want to understand, we never want to understand is the propeller of life. This sh*t is really propelling us…Oh..GOD. Is that GOD. Who created you? Me, us….! You definitely created by Man. If you creates us then we suppose to be balanced. But we are not.


That music lurked inside my brain. A total mess…! YES.

I remember that movie, C/O sir. It was a damn good story with great direction. Sometimes I feel to stop my days, so to can end my asking, can end the interferences of my brain.

“জানি চরম সত্যের কাছে নত হতে হয় সবাইকে-জীবন সুন্দর
আকাশ-বাতাস পাহাড়-সমুদ্র সবুজ
বনানী ঘেরা প্রকৃতি সুন্দর আর সবচেয়ে সুন্দর এই
বেঁচে থাকা তবুও কি আজীবন বেঁচে থাকা যায়!
বিদায়ের সেহনাই বাজে নিয়ে যাবার
পালকি এসে দাঁড়ায় দুয়ারে সুন্দর পৃথিবী ছেড়ে
এই যে বেঁচে ছিলাম দীর্ঘশ্বাস নিয়ে যেতে হয় সবাইকে
অজানা গন্তব্যে
হঠাৎ ডেকে ওঠে নাম না জানা পাখি অজান্তেই

I started my days with curse, ended up with that. Why? Why I can’t help stopping to curse…! Oh…Poor. How Poor I am. সময়, সময় নিজের গল্প।

Those curses are bouncing back to me. I wanna get rid off. I don’t want to curse anymore. I wanna start a fresh day, and closing my eyes with peach. Is that something very demand for me..! Where are you, so called GOD..!

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April 2024